At the beginning of September, I decided I was going to figuratively start going outside. I am engaging more online and stepping into other “rooms” looking around. Exploring the happenings of my surroundings more.
After 28 days I have concluded that this is not so bad and have a newfound appreciation for the sanctuary that I built and curated for myself. Its not all glamour and good vibes but it also is not going to kill me or at least I will not allow it. I have no fear of dying but did have a fear of living. To fight that fear is, has and will be an everyday battle but it is a fight I now look forward to. Each new day I get to see is a victory. Each day I get to try again or try something new is a big, fat W. Like any winner you celebrate. The fight is also a celebration. Its how you prove you are a worthy challenger. You dare to enter the arena, showcase the most beautiful and unique moves. Utilize the skills you pick up and are taught to ensure you win each daily battle? Yes, I do. Its invigorating. I feel good to be alive.
After 28 days I have come to realize what it is I am seeking, what I am here to do and with whom I should be doing it with. Going out has made me look even deeper within. Past the thick wall of hurt and pain to the person that has been trapped there. She was so mad and scared. I was. At first, she didn’t even want to speak up. She just stared back blankly. I knew I had to just ask her and when she opens up, be ready and willing to listen. When she spoke up every memory came rushing back. Every memory I tried so hard to just put away. But I cannot run from them anymore. I had to hear her out and when she was done make a promise that I intend to keep. I will believe her. I will listen to her. I won’t be too busy or too consumed with everyone else. For so long I would fill my void of self with everyone else, in my own way of course. My completely open availability, for everyone else’s problems and praises but no room for my own. There was never room for my own issues and when there was, I did not have anyone to help me process them. Now I have access to resources and great people around me who help me with the process.
After 28 days I have come into another layer of myself.
Ever evolving and ever growing my perspective has shift.